My Reluctant Step into the Computer Age
From the 70's to the 90's was a period of turmoil for me, ended by the responsibility of single parenthood that began in 1993. 1970 found me recovering from a school year of chaos where I transformed from a beer drinking party animal to a drug-taking hippy.
It's cold in Atlanta - Joe Sigur - your's truly, Blindlight
Atlanta was not New York, or San Francisco, and was several years behind the menu being served in those parts. Drugs literally went mainstream in the public psychology in the late 60's. All folks after that have never known a society not fixated on drugs. We now know the CIA served up the drugs they wanted coming in in the 60s to promote radical change towards an NWO. In a sense, I was one of the guinea pigs who took part with no tutorials issued of what to be wary of. The previously discussed dysfunctionality of my family unit made for a semi-unconscious desire to become someone or thing else and the boozing and the heavy drug use became the vehicle for me to imagine something better
Due to some lack of respect needed when partaking in acid trips I had had euphoric to terrifying encounters with the mind-altering states I had entered. I went through one phase where I came to the conclusion that the natural state for a man of knowledge was to will himself out of the world to a higher reality. That scared me and I found drinking kept me grounded and distracted from that.
Hendrix, Morrison, Prine, and Dylan were all messiahs to me. all cluing me in to facts, heretofore passed by by all my previous contacts or was it just that I had changed and now saw the real "big picture"? It was our generation that saw clearly the failings of all others or so we thought...or better yet, was that idea of itself planted from on high to subvert the established order for those living out of sight, out of sound, out of mind?
By the summer of 70, I had dropped out of school and was awaiting a decision on my draft status. The Viet Nam war was raging and they had just commenced with a draft lottery and I found myself in the middle, which was not high enough to get out of serving and everyone knew that America was just in it at this time so as not to lose face (Now I see deeper NWO reasons for it that I didn't realize at the time).
The way I did yoga was all wrong and tail spun me down into negative points of consciousness. It was clearly deluded but I went into yoga exercising in, what turned out to be, a very destructive way, for my next interaction with acid was at the Atlanta Pop Festival, the 2nd one that followed after the very successful first one the year before. Though it's hard to know why I had a miserable acid trip at that festival ending up totally separated from the friends I had gone with, having entered into an extremely paranoid state, of which was the kind of thing that makes people feel uncomfortable while pretending it's not happening. I have always felt the yoga paved the way for this bad reaction and have, since, steered clear of the program though I have not, till now, told anyone of this opinion.
To be totally clear, I am now convinced that almost anything I would have tried at the time would have had reverse consequences on me so likely, for the yoga, it was more like a case of "at the wrong place at the wrong time" and it gets the blame.
To further drive that nail in, a good internet friend, Yogi teaches it for a living and swears by it, as does my daughter who is planning to get some sort of diploma soon so she can be a yoga teacher.
So, come fall, when the board rejected my claim of conscientious objector, I found myself on a plane to Toronto on the day of my induction, fully aware I might never return to the States.
The next five years in Toronto saw a recovery from that depleted condition, I had had upon arrival, and interestingly, drugs were used to help me recover, primarily elephant tranquilizer, called "ANGEL DUST". I saw sporadic evidence that I had a core talent as a musician especially when my mind was in sync with the universe and I started doing what I imagined other great musicians did, wandering around with a guitar on my back on the streets of Toronto singing my mostly John Prine and Hank Williams reproductions. Interestingly, I was never able to write my own material and if I ever displayed a pure talent form within the lyrics of others, it was due to a heightened state of awareness.
Long story short, Carter granted amnesty to draft dodgers in about 1976 because TOO MANY MIDDLE-CLASS AMERICANS HAD KIDS THAT DODGED THE DRAFT, and the cold Toronto winters no longer had to be tolerated.
For a few years, I traveled back and forth between Atlanta and Toronto not sure what to do next till I gave up on the idea of singer-songwriter and stumbled into a lawn maintenance gig by accident. I had no particular experience or love for yard work but I was able to translate yard work into positive exercise accomplishment in my mind to make the occupation seem like a plus, which wasn't hard, because I was really stagnating at my parent's house whenever I was in Atlanta (you can't go home again?)
My next ten years were mostly marked by the abstinence of drugs for long periods and then a short duration of a few weeks exhibiting non-stop use. I can say that my daughter and the responsibility of parenthood was the final rationale I needed to kick the drug abuse habit and by 1995 I was learning the ropes of fatherhood.
Soon I became concerned about my daughter learning a talent and, amazingly, I started my daughter out doing figure skating. Yes figure skating, next to horses, about as expensive a pastime there is and definitely for extremely well-off people to imbibe in and not by rights, yours truly. The hook there was I was brought up with an upper middle-class mentality without having the upper-middle-class dough in the family anymore.
I think I always had this notion that I or my kin were destined for greatness, so I decided to go against the odds and imagined how it would make a great news story for this single parent white guy to raise an Olympic star. Yep, for a few years, I was a little league parent, living my life through my child and it was too much pressure on her, for even though we started fulltime at her age of 7, she was way behind the top girls who had learned to skate while learning to walk.
The skating did have moderate success till Emalee injured her groin and then the harsh reality of not being able to afford medical care set in and we quit and took a few years off in the "Turning my daughter into a star" business.
In the interlude, the computer age became something I more and more had to confront, till then, rejecting that area of life along with cell phone use as somewhat ridiculous. Back in my ANGEL DUST day, I remember many folks seemingly chained to their landlines as I tried to take them out of their comfort zones, experimenting with "reality".
Some sort of psychic alarm seemed to be at play and the phone was the leash that held these people to their daily lives
I was glad I didn't have that leash, though, when things were bad, I yearned for it but like it or not, I had left it behind with only a new way profitable for me to go (again, you can't go home).
My older brother was the learned one of us two and he had jumped right into the Apple Computer excitement of the 80s. He gave Emalee an old Apple computer that we didn't bother connecting to the internet and, again, I couldn't get interested but as I recall, Emalee showed some.
My brother and I were as different as night and day except for our basketball commonality. He was a uniquely gifted physics and mathematician who felt a calling to teach high school as the perfect time to influence a human mind. I, who came along right when my mother's mental illness was starting to take hold, only cared about sports until the heavy drug use caused me to reject my prior life
When Emalee was to turn 10, we were to begin the second stage of my little league parenting program with the much easier to afford "Swimming Team" scenario undertaken, but during the lull, as Emalee entered 3rd grade, I felt called upon to buy a WINDOWS COMPUTER and connect to the internet so Emalee wouldn't fall behind other classmates at school. Unfortunately, this being the year 2000, Windows XP hadn't quite come out and we got a really horrible computer with the operating system right before on it, called WINDOWS ME (ME stands for Millenials which causes me to note, the quality of this millennial op called "the Alt-Right" is in line with Windows ME), a resource hog, as I recall, being the most likely comment when referring to it. Then after a few months, I took the plunge again, after tearing my hair out on many occasions, when xp was released and I began to get drawn in...
With the setting up of the computer, I naturally got more involved and I found myself with a Harry Potter video game. I started playing it to entice my daughter but she was the easily spookable sort and watching me play was the best I could get her to do. This is when I got hooked, for it was to be Video Gaming, for my next Big Thing.
Soon after, I was the proud owner of the hot game of the day, Quake3, Alice and a little-known game that was really quite a treat, "Darkened Sky" Let's not forget "The Longest Journey" shall we? I recall learning to play Quake 3 and it was a huge struggle to coordinate my movements for FPS, after all, I was over 50 and had practically never even used a typewriter before then.
Within a year, I had invested in the top video card of the day in order to more easily kill evil people and with the rapid advancement of hyper-tech in the video area (possibly to remove unapproved folks from developing popular content), for the next ten years, did system upgrades on everything, at least, yearly.
When I get an obsession, I overbuy on gear that aides in that area, so soon there were about four computers in the house, all state of the art or 2nd generation state of the art and I was building my own, that beginning in 2004 or so.
In the 80's, I was into motorcycles and within seven years owned four (and three pick-up trucks), in the 90's, I got into guitar playing and had 1000 dollar acoustic and electric items for my hobby and a sound system that bands use.
Then my little league parent phase kicked in and I was spending huge sums to outfit my daughters hopefully budding career. At the same time, outdoor gear became an obsession and I now own about 20 high tech raincoats left over from that buying spree of the 90s (It had to be North Face, then later, in 2006, it was Arcteryx)
See what I mean, there's a lot more I could say on that. It's an addiction, over buying and one that's always lurking in the shadows to pounce. For example, I just went on a spending spree upgrading what almost all people would consider high-quality components for my PCs which, by the way, I have 5 at the moment. I suppose you could say my obsession on the JQ is part of that routine and a much less expensive endeavor, thank God, cause I don't make the kind of money I used to
. Again, come 2003, THE LITTLE LEAGUE PARENT THING takes over our home, and now Emalee is going to become an Olympic swimmer, and me the model dad that made it happen! Again, Emalee rose to the upper tier of her group and I was never satisfied and then she had a knee injury that plagues her to this day that cut short my dreams for her.
The swimming was a good fit but events seemed to conspire against us at the DYNAMO SWIM CLUB, a well-known club in the southeast. Oh well, I tried, it was now 2006, I had no clue 911 was not done by Muslims and was spouting the "of course Muslims attacked us because of our foreign policy that works against them" theory ( the one David Duke uses today).
From an early age, I had let my daughter know that college was something she would have to work out herself, I could not afford to put her through school though I would make sure she got a good education up to college. I, personally, never appreciated the academic side of college and quit after a few years, being on scholarship via basketball. I also felt many kids simply went with no goals in place for the expensive undertaking. I wasn't going to fall into that trap and I was firmly convinced that that sort of endeavor, self-funded, made the most sense. Of course, if I had oodles of money, I would have been happy to fund her but.... I didn't and I wasn't going into debt, which was something I have never been in, to carry it off.
Lucky for her, some relatives died and left her money for her education but she too ended up dropping out after a few years due to goalless drifting.
I did train her towards independence, however, for once she left for college, she has never lived at home since and we get along very well.
We have a continuing good relationship, she appreciates the hardball approach, that I apply and did apply, in regard to only being there when she really needs the help and deserves it, as this is an area many parents spoil their kids in. I have found and she has noted many of her friends have the issue - always expecting their parents to bail them out.
Windows XP was a super success for Microsoft but the need to remove the unapproved from having influence meant XP was a step to more complication and thus the annoying age of Vista happened in 2007, and me, being cutting edge still with my hardware, gravitated to Vista when others were shying away from it because of the rumoured software adjustment issues occurring in the hardware community. Sound cards made for XP didn't work in Vista for example, but Vista was the necessary turmoil needed to forge something greater which, as I proclaimed recently in these videos, is bearing fruit as I write.
Though hiccups still occur (recently, my LOGITECH OPTIONS software imploded on me on one of my systems) the detail of what is available to the consumer is astounding, in the end, necessary to get people to go willingly, if also grudgingly, into the NWO mostly run by Jews and created by Jews (willingly accept the chip).
Come 2011, my entry into Facebook, a land my daughter made me aware of, quickly confronted me with secrets I had never suspected about the tyranny surrounding us and up to this moment, this has been my latest obsession, an obsession that feels a bit "on the ropes", to use a boxing phrase, as I try and figure out what to do next which I will be working out here, for your pleasure and distraction.
Can you feel me!
Part II- Joining Rebel, Beginning Blindlight and Goybiscuits, confronting VK Clark, the plot thickens!.....PartII